I've desperately wanted to share our sweet daughter's birth story for over a year now, but could never quite find the right words. To tell her story, we have to go back two years.....
November 2016. During our annual anniversary, Dan and I talked at length about the next few years. We were eager to get started in buying more real estate and decided that we'd widen our parameters in include possibly moving our little family. While we loved our little blue house, I was struggling with being home alone all day with our littles and not being near friends. They had been working on our sewer connection for months and we couldn't even enjoy playing in our own yard. Dan's job kept him away sometimes 80+ hours a week making it hard to fit in housework. We knew a move would help ease some of the stresses we were both dealing with, so we were open to it.
During the month of December, we looked at real estate daily....we visited and put offers in on a number of potential rentals, but nothing was panning out. Discouraged, we poured our energy into making some updates to our home - fresh paint + simple repairs. By the end of the year we felt like maybe we were supposed to just settle into our home for a few more years, but neither one of us were ready to give up.
Near the end of January I got a call from Dan one morning asking if I had time to come see a foreclosure he and our realtor had just learned about. I literally loaded up the boys and went to meet him at the house. This particular foreclosure was only available for "Owner Occupancy", which meant the owner had to move into the house and live there for at least a year. So the question was - Is it worth moving our family across town, into the city? And could we live in this SMALL house for a year? (it's important to note that the house is less than 900 sq ft and only 2 bedrooms). As we were leaving we wrote up an offer - and within days we had a closing date. Two weeks later we got the keys to Our Little Green Bungalow!
It was a whirlwind, completely unexpected, but completely exhilarating! We were finally taking steps to financial freedom and we had this awesome adventure for the four of us for the next year.
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During this time, Dan and I were both struggling with our desire to grow our family but felt it wasn't the right time. Dan's job kept him away so much he barely got to see the boys, and we'd just bought a house so all his free time was spent getting it ready for us to move into. Despite my inner desire, I was home alone with our two boys all day and felt ill-equipped to add more children to the mix. Then there was the financial burden - we were already living on a single income. While we were able to pay the bills, there wasn't much extra to save or invest what we desired! We both felt like we had this heavy decision to make but didn't want to! I remember one night near the end of February, just letting go and turning it all over to God - praying that if we were meant to grow our family that it would be in God's timing and not ours...and if we weren't supposed to grow our family that God would grant us peace about it. Over the coming weeks as we dove deeper into house renovations, I was overcome by an incredible sense of peace and contentment about our family.
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May 2017. It took months to finish the house and get it to a livable state (gas and plumbing issues took far longer than anticipated!) but by mid-May we were moving! The night we moved in, I remember sitting on our front porch soaking in our new neighborhood. We talked about the walks we'd take on the trail and to the park. How we'd visit downtown more often now that we were just minutes away. We were both filled with joy and excitement just thinking about sharing this season of city life with our boys. It was in that moment that I confessed to Dan that while putting this photo on the mantel that afternoon, I just couldn't shake the idea that someone was missing....that there was room for one more. He looked at me like I was crazy - we'd literally just downsized - moved our family for four into a small 2 bedroom house. Meanwhile I was recounting the past two weeks of feeling "off". I had chalked it up to the stress and craziness of the moving process, but deep down wondered if maybe I was pregnant.
The next morning, I was the first one awake and decided to go ahead and take a pregnancy test to just clear my mind. I fully expected it to be negative - knowing that the stress and chaos of moving could have caused the types of symptoms I was experiencing. So imagine my surprise when it was
positive! I remember just sitting there staring at the test, working my way through every emotion of excitement, worry, fear, joy, frustration, surprise....I was anxious to break the news to Dan, especially after the conversation we'd had the night before. I was a ball of nerves as I carried the test into the bedroom, unsure really what to say, but smiled through tears as I told him. He just looked at me, his eyes full of joy and love and said "I guess we're going to need a bigger house" - and we both burst into laughter!
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The next 9 months were by far some of the most difficult and exhilarating of our lives. Dan's job went from bad to worse that summer and we rarely saw him -- when he wasn't at work he was at our old house getting it ready to rent. By the end of July, we both felt broken and beat down - I lived in fear of what the future of our family would look like, I worried about his health, our boys missing their daddy, how to take care of a baby and older children by myself. The days were incredibly long.
Then, miraculously, something shifted. The last day of July my Young Living business hit an incredible milestone - one I'd spent the past 3 years working towards. The next day our first house was officially rented and by the end of that first week of August, Dan was in the midst of interviewing for a new job! August was full and busy for us, but we were finally feeling lighter and happier. By the middle of the month Dan accepted a new job and was set to start September 1st. We spent the last week of August on vacation with Dan's family and it felt like the perfect way to celebrate ending a difficult season and get excited for all that lay ahead in the next.
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Despite being my third child, I had a lot of fear about pregnancy and caring for older children. I desperately wanted to keep up with the boys but by late November I hit a wall. I was in excruciating pain being on my feet and ended up spending much of the holiday season laying on the couch. It really took a toll on me emotionally! I struggled daily to hold on to that light, joy and happiness we'd just regained. As my due date approached I was eager to meet our little one, but again fear and worry crept in. I had had a January baby before and knew that the weeks and months of dark dreary days could easily keep me down, and I desperately wanted to enjoy the postpartum season this time.
I knew I needed to be proactive and set intentions for the upcoming season - so I told anyone who would listen that I was going to do nothing but rest and care for my baby for at least 6 weeks. I asked, begged, for people to hold me accountable and call me out if I tried to bounce back too quickly. I prepped meals, and made plans for friends and family to care for the boys so I could rest. All the planning and preparing really helped to brighten my spirits as I waited for baby's arrival.
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- white noise has been a sleep saver for us. Early on we realized how difficult it was for Caleb to fall asleep - he's super easily distracted and so curious that he couldn't calm himself and shut out all the noise. We purchased this after we moved upstairs and it's been a blessing as Caleb's bedroom is right off of the kitchen. It's hard to do much in our small house while he sleeps without making much noise, but with this sound machine, we're able to drown out some of that racket.
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