Last night, after putting the kids to bed, I looked at the clock and sighed, 8:30. I turned to my husband and said "how lame is it that I just want to crawl into bed and read until I fall asleep?". He looked at me with a furrowed brow and said "Why is that lame? Whose life are you trying to lead?" His response totally stopped me in my tracks. I mean really, why would taking care of my needs and desires be considered "lame"??? But if I'm completely honest, that has been part of the underlying script scrolling through my brain for the past decade!
For years I've worked hard to be as productive as possible --to make the most of every last hour of the day. To do enough. Be enough. I've calculated number of hours necessary for sleep and scolded myself for taking more. I've tabulated to do lists and evaluated progress against an unrealistic expectation. Phrases like "everyone had the same 24 hours, we make time for what we truly want" are on repeat in my brain daily, causing me to ponder whether or not I'm doing enough with those hours.
It wasn't until a few years ago that I even started thinking about what I truly wanted in life. What MY goals even are! I have always been one to follow the crowd, blend in and go unnoticed. Attention makes me uncomfortable, but deep down I have a burning desire to be different! I have dreams that I've ignored and abandoned for fear of drawing attention. Dreams that feel abnormal and different, dreams that go against everything around me. But the truth is, not following these dreams, means I'm follow someone else's! Living someone else's life! In a world of social media, it's so easy to see what everyone else is doing and think, "maybe I should do that too!" But, as I've turned inward this past year and worked hard to put on my blinders, my vision for my life has gotten brighter. My confidence in being who I was created to be had gotten stronger. Every day I grow more comfortable being different, being me!
Today, I can honestly say that I love my life! I love that I get a front row seat to watching my children grow and learn. I love that I get to make our house a home. I love my family and my friends and the community we’ve built. But most of all, I love embracing the freedom to create the life of our dreams, and sometimes that means going to bed at 8:30 and reading until I fall asleep!
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So, when was the last time you turned off the noise and asked yourself "What are my dreams and aspirations? What am I working towards?”
If you're anything like me, that may be a super difficult question for you to answer! But I want to challenge you to turn off the noise (social media, news, TV, movies, etc) and spend some time inside your own head. You have dreams...you have deep burning passions...trust me, they're in there, you just need to create the space to bring them to light!
Friend, I want you to know that your dreams matter. That YOU matter! You were created for a purpose and to live a life of freedom!
Whose life are you trying to live anyway?!?
